Friday, February 17, 2006

Up, up and away

Yes, I am en route to warmer climes. The tropics beckon seductively - palm fronds wave rhythmically in the warm breeze, and the warm, sparkling water laps ever so gently at the shores of Lake Victoria (shame it's full of nasty diseases).

I was all ready to spend many an hour on flight KQ105 to Nairobi in cattle class when I suddenly heard my name being called over the tannoy. Oh rabbits, I thought, I'm going to get bumped. Ravel (my faithful research assistant and travelling companion), asked what bumped meant. I tried to explain, but his English is still so poor that I felt it was a useless endeavour and gave up. Luckily, fortune was giving me a smile, and I was not bumped, but rather UPGRADED!

This, dear reader, does not happen very often. In this case it is because the plane is full, and I get priority as a frequent flyer. I've flown 'Premier' before on my airmiles (which are substantive as you might imagine). But usually this means sacrificing airmiles for luxury, and has to be organised three months in advance on the offchance that someone previously in Premier has cancelled/died and a seat has become vacant. What joy, at least for me. Now poor Ravel must travel alone, with a complete stranger by his side. It shouldn't be too difficult for him though, as I slipped a slow-release sedative into his afternoon tea to stop him re-creating the shenanigans last time we flew long distance together (his rather erractic behaviour nearly got him arrested).

I'm currently sat in the holi-deck (business class lounge) of Heathrow terminal 4, luxuriating on budweiser beer and mini-cheddars. Just enough time for another couple before the plane leaves.

Aaah, the joy of (first-class) travel.


Gorilla Bananas said...

Next time you could save money by putting Ravel in the baggage hold. He's put up with far worse things, after all. I notice you've left us hanging in suspense on the matter of how you became a celebrity.

hermione2001ie said...

I think I'm going to have to start the Ravel Liberation Front (RLF) -poor bugger doesn't half get some stick.

Dr Joseph McCrumble said...

Dear Gorilla

I would not dream of putting my most faithful assistant in any confined space. Perish the thought. He is eager to help all the time, and I pay him handsomely for his efforts. Without Ravel my research efforts would almost certainly collapse!