Tuesday, February 06, 2007

Fearing the worst

Dear all

Not for the first time in the last few months, I am feeling the heat. Tomorrow I face my accuser in the court-room. For those of you who have only begun to read this blog, I should tell you that I'm up on a charge of assault on my childhood nemesis, Toby Hancock-Jones. The story of how we came to blows is in my book, and can also be found by following the appropriate label at the bottom of this post. Whether I will be allowed to blog again, I do not know, for I am also up against a lawyer well known for his ability to persuade juries in his clients favour, even if the client has the words 'Don't believe me' tattooed on his forehead.

Toby is able to afford the services of such a man because his father is doing rather well in the carpet business, and is determined to see me go down. Rumour has it that Toby has been suffering epileptic fits since I pushed him over in Kings Lynn, and that he is going to produce medical evidence to support the accusation that I am to blame.

I have contemplated many bad things in my life, but this is the first time I have come face to face with the prospect of losing my freedom. No doubt Dolores will tell you how it goes, if I am otherwise indisposed.

Stay well, my blogging friends. To quote the late, great Freddy, If I'm not back tomorrow, carry on, carry on.



P.S. As if reality was not harsh enough, Kim Ayres has cast me in the mold of uber-gangster over at bluntcogs Will the torment never end?


Kim Ayres said...

Best of luck tomorrow, Doc.

But should the worst happen, at least you'll have plenty of time to think up original and witty Blunt Cogs scripts. I'll email Delores my land address so you can post your scripts and sketch layouts to me.

Not that any of this will be necessary of course.

St Jude said...

First offence? I'm thinking at the worst a 6 - 12 month community order with 40 - 80 hours unpaid work as punishment and maybe supervision.. or a big fat fine and being bound over to keep the peace. Either way sweetie they don't want anymore inmates at the moment thank you very much. You could just try telling them what a big fat bully he was and that you've done everyone who ever crossed his path a favour!!! Just a thought.

'See' you on Friday ;0)