Friday, January 05, 2007

Calling all celebrities

Dear fellow celebs

You may have seen, yesterday, that a warning has been issued by Sense about Science (, namely that celebrities should take care when endorsing charitable or other campaigns. You are encouraged to check all the facts before risking your hard won reputation for making intelligent decisions. Many celebrities have come to regret making hastily assembled statements on issues with which they are unfamiliar. The result: they appear as fools in front of the fans and are mercilessly mocked by the media.

As one of the country's very few Celebrity Scientists, I am well aware of the issues and how they affect both parties. Should you, dear celebrity, need any advice on how to approach science and scientists in a rational and intelligently plausible manner, please do not hestitate to contact me. I provide a first-class service, and guarantee that you will never again jump in with two left feet.

Take this short test to see if you might benefit from my service:

A friend of a friend you met at an A list party sends you an email. They claim that they know someone who has found a cure for obesity. It involves ingesting a sweetened mixture of ground almonds soaked in tortoise vomit, and works by alleviating hunger pangs for up to 12 hours. It could stamp out the obesity epidemic. Clinical trials aren't necessary as the mixture is a foodstuff rather than a drug, but your friend can produce more than a hundred people who lost weight after taking it. The name of the mixture is 'Altortvom'

Upon hearing this pitch do you:
1) Sign up immediately and pledge to spread the word
2) Laugh it off and remove the friend's number from your mobile
3) Phone the police and report your friend for cruelty to tortoises
4) Ask to see the data, the people, the tortoises, the production line, the almond grove and the testing labs.

If you answer is 1,2 or 3 then I may be able to help. I'll sort out which campaigns are bona fide requests for your celebrity pulling power, and which are cynical attempts cash in on your fame.

Give me a call today and open an account!


Dr Joseph McCrumble


Dr M Booth said...

I know where you can get some tortoise vomit if you want it...

Spider63 said...

I have heard that dog vomit is cheaper to get and a passable substitute. I have three dogs and would be willing to provide a small supply for your venture. I'd like to get in on the ground floor.

Kim Ayres said...

But how do you cope if you've endorsed a celebrity product, like a book that will also raise money for a charity, for example?

Micky B said...

No 'Celebrity' status for me, unless it's as 'Provider of the Nurishment' to the pets in my home ?
Just a quick query, if I may use this forum ?
How do I get into your Gabbly Chat ? Each time I try the website I get a general/all over the World chat site. Is this correct, or can I narrow it down to your specific site ?